Last summer we bought a new cord for my laptop. In August (a couple months after said purchase), the computer kept shutting off because the battery was dead, and this was happening while it was plugged into the outlet! Eric took it a couple places, and they gave us high estimates to fix it, so we packed it up and stuck it somewhere invisible for a while since we had Eric's Aflac laptop.
A few weeks ago, the ancient Aflac laptop died. Completely. Since neither computer was working, Eric decided to finally take mine to be repaired (our son does his math on the computer, so we sorta needed a working computer). Instead of taking it to the places where he initially got estimates, he took it to a local place about 5 minutes from our house, told them what we were told was wrong with it, and even handed them a second computer which contained the supposed needed parts (thanks to a dear friend).
Would you believe that the only thing wrong with my laptop was the cord? Seriously. THE CORD was bad.
Six months with one laptop in the house, one laptop that travels with my husband and isn't here when we need it for school...and the Only. Problem. Was. The. Cord.
For real.
So for $18 plus tax, my laptop is working, and I am annoyed that we waited so long and listened to the two, that's right TWO, places which gave us high estimates for fixing the major problem they were going to solve for us.
Big business stinks. I love small town living. $18 and I'm back in technology action.
A topic for future blog meanderings? How out-of-the-loop one feels when experiencing technology hiccups.
I was chatting with a friend last night as I often do in the late evening. During our conversation, she mentioned that one of her greatest connections to God is music, especially now when things are hard in her life. She hears him when she listens to worship songs. Her heart cries out to Him as she sings along. On this I had to agree with her. I feel exactly the same way. Music is my refuge to which I escape to be with Jesus. On days when I can't write in my journal because I don't know where to begin, music speaks the words I can't say. In moments when I need to escape to the place where I just listen for His still, small voice, music is always there to speak His words to me. When I sit down and try to read the Word and find that I can't focus for more than 5 seconds, music is there with lyrics taken straight from the Bible.
God gave me this gift, this love of music, this meager talent. I have loved music since I was a very little girl when I used to go to the basement and use a hair brush as a microphone as I sang my heart out while John Denver and the Muppets played in the cassette player. I loved music for what it was, for it's beauty, for the way it made me feel, for the way it made me pause and think and listen.
I am grateful that I had the opportunity to study collegiate music. That God called me to do so is a gift that I will always cherish. Of all the choices I have been given in this life, there are many things I wouldn't choose to do again, but spending 5 years studying music? I would do it again in a heartbeat.
While studying music in college, I learned that music was a gift God gave to me that I could use to serve others. Every performance became a worship experience and a chance to speak to other people, to show them a little more of Jesus. The time I played a Brandenburg Concerto with the Indiana Wesleyan University Orchestra? I worshiped Him. My senior flute recital? Hours and hours were spent in the practice room and recital hall rehearsing, practicing, thinking, working out the hard stuff, praying, and listening to God so that I could give Him this tiny offering in the most excellent form I could provide.
Music was my life. I loved that life. I loved those years. I thrived.
But I lost something, and I think I've only recently realized it.
I forgot why I fell in love with music in the first place. Music is, indeed, a channel God gave to me to minister to others, but I fell in love with music long before I learned to use this gift in that way. I think I spend more time thinking about how to use my gift and less time thinking about why I want others to experience music. I want them to experience the reason why I love it so much.
Music is the gift God gave me to speak to me. Music is the language that He understands even more than I do. Music is in me, and God knows this because He put it there. Music is part of what defines my personality, and God uses it to speak to me because He knows I'm listening. The Father uses music to breathe life into my very soul.
I have performed music that has made me smile, laugh, and cry. I have been blessed by performances that have made me gasp and pause in wonder at the talent God has given to some people and at the way He uses even secular musicians to reach my heart and to speak truth to me. Music is my second language, a language best understood by the Creator Himself.
This afternoon as I played my flute, I listened. I played an arrangement of It is Well With my Soul, and I heard the Father reminding me that my soul is what matters. This life is temporary. My soul is well. Some day, the trumpet shall sound, and all the trials of this life will be over, and my soul will be all that matters in that moment.
I played an arrangement of His Eye is on the Sparrow and heard the Holy Spirit whispering to me, telling me that, not only is His eye on the Sparrow, but His hand is on my shoulder. His arms are wrapped around me. His feet are leading me. His voice is whispering into my ear and drawing me closer to His perfect love.
I played Holy, Holy, Holy and imagined the moment when I will one day sit at the feet of Jesus singing those very words with the angels in heaven, and all this will be gone. All these things will pass away, but His Word will never pass away.
Music is my gift. Maybe it isn't my second language. Maybe it is my first language. When my stubborn heart won't listen, God always uses music to touch my heart, to reach my soul. He knows what I need. Music is what I need right now. Jesus and music will get me through this. I am grateful, so very grateful, for this gift. The Father has given me a piece of heaven on earth. Sweet melodies fill my heart until it is overflowing with words from heaven.
Thank you, Father, for this reminder. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for showing me that you are here and that you love me. Thank you...for music.
Do you schedule time with your family to talk to each other? If you don't, maybe you should. Our society is so bent on being busy all the time that we often busy ourselves right out of quality time with our family. I know, I know. I've been down this road in my blog before, but isn't it true? If you live in the same house, you should have time to talk to each other, right? Quality time shouldn't be defined as moments spoken in the car on your way to three different sports practices, nor should we live a lifestyle that causes us to feel like we have to play catch-up when it comes time for a vacation. Vacation should be bonus time together, not the only time we spend truly focused on being a family.
Six or seven months ago, we began doing a morning Bible study together. Previously, I always taught a Bible lesson during our school time, and Eric planned a devotional to do with us before bed. We still do a devotional before bed with the kids and spend time worshiping together through music during that time also, but we now do Bible study together in the morning before we start school and before Eric heads to work. We practice Bible memory work in the morning as well. Depending on what we're reading, this takes 20-30 minutes each morning, and our evening devotional probably takes 15-25 minutes. That doesn't sound like much, does it? I can't imagine any family not having time to spend together at one of these times of day.
On Saturday, we are blessed with the opportunity to spend a little extra time during Bible study. Today, we laughed and giggled and talked about all sorts of things that were sorta inspired by what we were reading in the Bible. Or not. John Glenn, seasonal allergies, red M&Ms, the upcoming primary and November elections...all topics that were mentioned during the hour we spent in our cozy living room enjoying each other and the Word. We're studying the book of Job right now, reading a chapter or two each morning, and we're memorizing scripture that coordinates with our evening devotional, Our 24 Family Ways, which we're wrapping up right now. Next, we'll be using the Duggar's Character Training spreadsheet (Scroll down and click on the box that says "Character Qualities") for Bible memory work and character training.
Simply put, if you don't do this, I think you should. I don't think you should dive in and do everything that we're doing all at once, but I think you should start somewhere. You have to find what works best for your family. If you're concerned about time, head to the Duggar's spreadsheet and just start spending 5 minutes each morning and/or evening memorizing scripture and talking about Biblical character together. Sing a worship song each night before bed and pray together. Don't try to be a hero; just start somewhere.
I cherish these moments together. Saturday is my favorite because we aren't rushing around (we purposefully waited until after Lukas' basketball game). We don't just do Bible study. We connect. We tune into each other. We hear each others' hearts. And the topics that I mentioned that came up today? Those aren't the only kinds of topics that come up. Last night, we spoke about being sad about things that are going on in our lives because one of our kids really wanted and needed to talk about that. While learning what the Bible says about honesty, we talked about people in our lives who haven't been honest with us and how that has hurt our family. Talking about the little things opens the door for your children to talk to you about big things. Don't buy into the world's belief that children don't talk to their parents. Your children not only will talk to you, but they want to talk to you. It is our job as godly parents to provide them with safe opportunities to do so.
I'm feeling so blessed by the time our family shared today. I hope that I have inspired you to do the same thing if you aren't already doing it. You will love it, and so will your kids!
Let me start this post with a little disclaimer. This post is not about homeschooling, so please don't close the window when you see the word "Homeschool" in the post.
My second disclaimer is that this post is raw. It is where I am. Writing it was gut-wrenching. If you take the time to read it, I will be deeply honored that you chose to spend a few of your precious moments reading my words.
I get a newsletter each week called "The Homeschool Minute." I read it when the topic seems to be applicable to me, and, since it is a homeschooling newsletter, it often is. Lately, I haven't had much time for reading newsletters. Today, however, I knew this newsletter was just for me when I saw the theme in the subject line in my in-box. "In Times of Grief," so reading it wasn't optional for me this time.
This season of life? It is most certainly a time of grief. I feel like I've been here before, but it's different this time. This time, what the doctor said would happen is happening. This time, in spite of my knowledge that God can work a miracle, in spite of the fact that the doctor himself used the words, "short of a miraculous intervention," I find myself preparing for the worst case scenario because the doctor was right, afterall. The cancer did return just as he predicted.
I am not discounting God's ability to intervene. I know that He can. I know that He does. I know these things. I also know that He has gifted doctors with knowledge and abilities that I do not possess, and, while He trumps anything they say, He sometimes uses those doctors to prepare us. I know that God will heal my mama. He could choose to let her stay with us. He could work a miracle here on earth. I know this.
I also know that, sometimes, He doesn't. Sometimes, healing happens in heaven. Sometimes, His plan isn't what I want.
But I can't forget that, all the time, He is the Healer. All the time, He cares for me. All the time, His plan is perfect even if His plan isn't what I think I want.
Besides, what I want doesn't really matter. I want my mom HERE. Doesn't everyone? It's sort of selfish when you think about choosing to keep someone here versus letting them experience the perfection of heaven. I want my mom healthy, happy, and pain-free. As hard as it is to write or think or say out loud...
Healthy, happy, and pain-free are the most important to me, and, if she can only have that in heaven, then so be it.
It's crushing.
If you haven't lost a parent or someone equally as close to you, you may not understand what I'm feeling right now. 13 months ago, I didn't understand. I have lost four grandparents and a great aunt that I thought of as a grandmother, and I adored all of them, but losing them doesn't compare to what I'm going through right now.
My mother is sick. Cancer is trying to destroy her. God is in charge. I have to trust Him. I have to be willing to follow Him in spite of what happens. I hope she defeats this. I want her to live. I want God to be glorified in her life and because of her life.
No matter what happens, I choose Abba Father because His ways are perfect and His ways are not my ways. I will not pretend to understand this ever, but I will trust Him. Always. I will trust Him.
